my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
