Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
