Duck Duck Cougar?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
as a side note pls kill me
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