Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
