idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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