great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Dicks are not precious.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
