omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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