genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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