Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
