Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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