3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
