My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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