Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
