after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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