My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
