Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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