and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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