Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
