I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
