I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
