I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
