There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
