you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
