kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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