I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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