No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i dont even know how to be here
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
