You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
