distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
