Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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