(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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