It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i will never coherently bang her
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
