ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
