u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
