My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
