If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
