Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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