I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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