I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
