I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize