Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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