I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
