Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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