the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize