im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize