You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
