No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize