If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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