There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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