dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
