I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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