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The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
