I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
