oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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