She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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