I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
