I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
