I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
