guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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