She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
