Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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