I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
