Yo dont text me then not text me
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
