nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize