yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
