I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
